How to Get Your Ex Back

No Contact or NC for short is usually a lot easier said than done, especially when you share mutual friends and nights out means a high chance of seeing your ex as well. Like wise, this situation is similar to being stuck in a work environment with an ex. Both means you’ll find it harder to stick with NC if your ex is always there.

So what can you do? Sacrifice going out just to avoid your ex? Although you don’t need to spell out your NC plan to your ex, letting your mutual friends know firsthand is helpful.

Although this will help somewhat, the only real way you can avoid seeing your ex in the long-run is to turn down social outings with these mutual friends. What if those are mostly the people you go out with?

What I suggest is getting a fresh set of friends if this happens to be your dilemma. It’s a great excuse to meet new people and possibly attract someone new into your life also.

Take the plunge and if doing it alone is too intimidating, get a buddy to do it with you.

If you happen to bump into your ex by accident, act cool and indifferent, but “friendly”. Don’t linger too long to chat and keep things short. That should help make things easier and not damage your NC plans.

If you’re serious about getting your ex back and haven’t taken advantage of one of our recommended guides, check them out below:

Get Your Ex Back For Women

Get Your Ex Back For Men

If you think love means never having to say you’re sorry, you have clearly never been in a relationship. An apology is just like a scalpel. Used correctly, it saves lives. Used badly, it severs hearts - for GOOD. But while saying ’sorry’ is easy enough, few of us know how to make an effective apology. We say ’sorry’ without really apologizing. For an apology to count as one, it has to be apology in the trust sense of the word - an admission of wrongdoing without excuses or justification. “I’m sorry but…” just doesn’t hack it - it’s not an apology; it is an attempt at an apology.

What then is a true apology?

• It is timely. The sooner you offer an apology, the lesser the hurt can fester. What’s the point in apologizing for forgetting her birthday three months ago? The apology should have been made the following day or week, if not on the day itself.
• It is specific. If you are truly sorry, you name what you did wrong and apologize for it. “I’m sorry” is simply too generic - you could be apologizing for the weather, a botched up meal, or the fact that you stood her up last night. Specify precisely what you are sorry for so she will know you know exactly what you did wrong.
• It admits responsibility. No matter what you do, never follow “I’m sorry” with a BUT. A “but” is a justification. It shows her your “I’m sorry” is a compromise rather than a genuine apology. It tells her you are trying to shift the blame elsewhere. If you accidentally mowed her mom down as you drove out of the garage, say so. “I’m sorry I hit your mom. I didn’t mean to, but I did.” is more likely to earn you her forgiveness than “I’m sorry I hit your mom but there’s no way I could not have hit her. She was blocking the driveway.”
• It offers an explanation. She may not be ready to hear this while she’s hurt but she would surely want an explanation later on. Give her the truth. She deserves it.
• It makes amends. A genuine apology comes with reparations. Usually, there is nothing physical to repair. But hearts and trusts shatter worse than any real object so make these the focus of your repair work. Ask her sincerely, “What can I do to make amends?” If she tells you how, commit to it. If she doesn’t, figure it out yourself.

That said, here are some apologies that are not apologies at all. If your intention is to heal the rift and get her back or prevent her from leaving you, never use these pseudo-apologies in lieu of the real one.

• “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
  You’re not a politician but you sure have the art of double-speak down to a science with this line. This pseudo-apology implies two things - first, that your apology is conditional and second, that the person you are apologizing to is simply over-reacting so it really is her fault that she is offended.
• “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
  This does not apologize for a mistake. Rather, this implies there was no mistake and that the only thing wrong with the scenario is that the other person’s nose is slightly out of joint. This shifts the blame from you to the other person with the bad feeling.
• “I’m sorry you misunderstood.”
  This is another way of shifting blame. Rather than apologize for a mistake, this line points out it’s the other person’s fault for not getting what was really meant.

In 1970, the movie Love Story hit theaters. Ali MacGraw told Ryan O’Neal just before she died, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” and made audiences everywhere weep. The line has long since become a classic but this doesn’t mean it’s right. The only possible reason Ali MacGraw’s character could have said it was that she died way too young to learn an important lesson. When you are in a relationship, you always apologize and you always explain. Love means you’re always willing to say you’re sorry.

If your relationship has just ended, the last thing you want to think about is dating other people. But if the breakup was a quite a while ago (read: a month, two weeks, and six days – or some ridiculous figure like that), it’s high time that you should.

Why Date?

There are many reasons why you should start dating, and no reason why you shouldn’t. It all depends on your goals – that is to say, if you want your significant other back, or if you want to start afresh. Whatever it is that you wish to achieve in the long run, here are some of the benefits of getting back into the dating scene:

1. You’re moving on. Or at least, it seems like it. On the one hand, you don’t want your ex to think that he’s been replaced because you’re still hoping for a reconciliation. On the other, you don’t want it to look like you’re spending your days grieving. When you date, you, at least, put up the appearance that you’ve moved on (even if you haven’t), and you’ll appear stronger and more unattainable – an appearance, I might add, that’ll surely pique the interest of any ex.

2. You’re occupied. Dating keeps you busy, which is always a good thing because it means that you have enough to do and look forward to to prevent you from staying in bed all day, wallowing in grief. Dating is as constructive an activity as they come, and something that you might actually enjoy. Before you know it, you’ll find that you haven’t thought about your ex in days, or even weeks!

3. You’re more aware of your value. Dating, especially in the wake of a breakup, does wonders to the self-esteem. Your confidence will get that much needed boost when you go out on dates. You’ll feel more attractive, wanted, and desired. Furthermore, you’ll find that there is life after a breakup, after all! It is, indeed, a feeling so empowering that you’ll probably wonder why you haven’t done it sooner.

Watch Out!

Of course, like all things in life, dating new people is never as easy as it sounds. In fact, it can be downright scary if you’ve been in a relationship for long and, therefore, out of the dating scene for a long time. There are so many things that you may end up doing wrong, if you’re not careful; hence, why you must be on the right mindset to start dating anew.

Know that you can’t – I repeat, can’t – possibly consider jumping into another serious relationship just yet. You’ll only end up in a rebound relationship that’s a sure recipe for disaster. You will be vulnerable and likely to make rash decisions. You will always be seeking validation. Most of all, you might end up settling for far less than what you want and deserve. Suffice to say, such a relationship is not only unfair to you, but to the other person, as well.

If you’re going to go back into the dating scene, do it to have fun and meet new people. You’re likely to achieve all these with ease if you’re not expecting an instant replacement for your ex. This doesn’t mean, however, that you don’t have to make an effort during the date. On the contrary. Treat dates the way you want to be treated by:

• Keeping an open mind. He may not be your ex, but who knows? You might genuinely like him. Everyone should be given a chance. So whatever you do, don’t spend the entire night harping about your ex. Instead, get to know the person you’re with.
• Impressing him. Even if your ex is still on your mind, you still have to make an effort to look good, smell good, and behave appropriately. This is your way of showing your appreciation that he took the time and effort to see you.
• Being honest. If your ex is still on your mind and you feel that you don’t want to continue dating because of that, or if chemistry is simply conspicuously absent, do be honest about it. Don’t string him along just because you need a buffer for your emotions. Rather, be kind and tell the truth.

Whether you choose to continue dating, or to pursue reconciliation with your ex, it is important to take your time. Have fun and build up your confidence, and you will inevitably attract the Right One into your life – whether it’s your ex, or someone new.

We’re coming to the end of our Ex-Free bootcamp.
I hope you have tried all the steps (or you plan on at least going through
them properly when you have time =)

This last one might be quite daunting for you. You’re still not over your ex so the thought of dating someone new will frighten you. It’s important that you do make a effort however. Even if you don’t think you can do it, you need to do it, if just to meet someone new, you never know what might happen. Most likely nothing, but then at least you won’t be sitting around at home thinking of your ex all night.

Where do you find a date? Well there’s plenty of online dating sites, some are good, some not so. Here I’ve listed some of the better ones.

1. PerfectMatch.com
2. eHarmoney.com
3. singlesnet.com
4. lavalife.com

I prefer you to go out with someone you have met before already but if there just is no one, the online alternative is a fast solution to getting a date.

I suggest not to do too many emails back and forth. Find someone that seems interesting and most compatible and set to meet as soon as possible. This will prevent you both from wasting each other’s time and you can get this exercise over with quickly =)

Do call and meet at a public place to be safe and always tell others where you are, you can’t be too careful.

Now the most important thing… your mindset during the date will determine how much you will enjoy it.

If you go into a date dreading it and thinking you are just doing it to say you’ve done it, then stop! The point of this exercise isn’t just to date for the sake of dating; you want to open yourself up to new possibilities. If you go into it with a closed-mind, that’s exactly what you will get out, a terrible experience that will probably traumatize you from dating in the future.

Now if you tell yourself you’re just going to have fun and enjoy yourself, you’ll be surprised that you actually WILL enjoy yourself.

Sure you might get a dud and they might be the most boring people in the world, but don’t let that stop yourself from having fun. Just let things happen and make the most of what you have. It probably helps to schedule something fun to actually do but I know that might not always be possible.

When was the last time you met someone new?

When you go out today I want you to go out with the idea of meeting someone new in mind. For example, when you cross someone in the street make sure to say hello. At work, approach someone you have never spoken to before.

At the supermarket, strike up a conversation with the checkout operator and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

If you’re shy, remember you don’t have make this person your new best friend, just a simple hi will suffice. The more awkward you feel about doing this, the more rewarding it will be when you do it. This will build up your confidence and confidence is important in attracting old love or new love into your life.

Now it’s time to think of someone you haven’t spoken to for a while, a distant relative or friend, someone you’d like to catch up with and hear from. You don’t have to call them if you don’t want to, an email should be fine.

You will need to track down their details if you don’t have it so try myspace, facebook or just search on google. Ask your current friends/family members if they would happen to know something you don’t.

The phone book might also help.

If you can’t find a particular person’s details, look through your email address book or friends list on myspace / facebook / instant messenger and contact someone from there.

They might be surprised to hear from you but this is a great chance to strike up a new friendship.

We’re already up to Day 4 of our Ex-Free bootcamp, how is it going so far =) It’s talk about cleansing your body!

Staying fit and healthy is important to maintain stress free and happy. Here are some ways of cleansing your body and ridding yourself of headaches, stress, negativity and depression.

Soak in a hot tub, exercise, do yoga, meditate, read a good book, play with your pets and listening to good music are some ways you can rid yourself of negativity.

You don’t have to do anything too difficult in terms of exercise, just a simple jog to the supermarket, walk your dog for an hour or do some sit-ups 20 mins before bed; doesn’t have to be long if you’re not used to doing it.

Medication is another good example, put on some relaxing music, turn it down a bit and go to a quiet spot in the house. Sit in a comfortable way but with your back straight. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. You should inhale through your nose; exhale through your mouth) in the ratio of 1:4:2

Inhale for 1 count, Hold for 4 counts, Exhale for 2 counts

So for example: If you inhale for 3 seconds, you would hold for 12 seconds and exhale for 6 seconds.

You can do this breathing exercise 3 times a day, this will clear your mind and cleanse your body.

Now apart from exercising, we need to watch what we put into our bodies too.

Here’s a great article on:

16 Ways To Eat Healthy For The Cheap

Remember to drink a lot of water and start eating things like vegetables and fruit, salads are great (my favourite) but also remember to eat fatty meat too! Fat is good for you, its excess calories that isn’t.

Well today’s little exercise is you’re going to pick one thing you know you’ve been putting off doing and to do it. This could be anything:

Examples could be:

• Washing your car
• Emailing someone
• Booking an appointment to get your hair done
• Going to the movies with a friend you haven’t seen in a while
• Relaxing and just doing nothing all day.

Whatever it is you’ve been putting off, do it today.

Once you’ve done it whatever it may be, give yourself a small reward just not anything that’s potentially harmful to you =P

Now the important part, don’t put this off! Really do it and please tell me about it, so I can tell you what I did today that I’ve been putting off. Believe me I know what it’s like to put things off too.

Until tomorrow =)

Day 2’s exercise should only take half an hour or so. It’s important to put your own needs first and focus on where your life is currently headed. You should be striving to live greater and better lives. Whether it’s having more money, better health, more friends or more love. You should never settle for what you current have.

Why? Because human beings need change and growth. We and everything around us are constantly changing and evolving. Relationships aren’t solid, they are liquid, whether it’s your relationship with your family, your friends or your dog. They change constantly.

Now get out a piece of paper and ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I love to do?

Some clues to help you answer this question:

What has given me the most satisfaction in the past?

What excites me about life?

What activities give me the most satisfaction and inner peace?

What are my hobbies?

What have I been happiest doing?

What is my secret ambition?

You can write down a list of 10 things, in the order of most loved things to do.

2. What is important to me?

Some clues to help you:

What would I commit myself to if money weren’t an object?

If I only had five years to live, what would I absolutely have to accomplish for my life to have been meaningful?

What do I stand for?

What won’t I stand for?

3. What am I good at?

Clues to help:

What have other people told me I’m good at?

What have I excelled at in the past?

What are some of my strengths?

What have I been successful at?

4. What was I born to do?

Clues to help:

What is my unique mission in life?

What can I do that will make a difference?

What specifically does God want me to do?

What can I contribute?

What is my niche?

5. What are some qualities that I love about myself?

Clues to help:

What are some moments where I thought I was brilliant?

What are some qualities other people have said they admired about me?

What are some things my friends, family or lovers loved about me?

What are some physical qualities that I love about myself?

6. Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Clues to help:

In a bigger better house?

With bigger pay cheque?

Healthier and happier?

More confident? More friends?

In love and with the best relationship of your life?

Better job? Retired?

Write your answers down and then read back through them. This will give you a perspective of where you are and where you’d like to be.

You shouldn’t mention your ex by name or refer to them specifically, just map out your life in a general way, say you’d like to be in love and happy, not necessarily in love and happy with your ex.

This applies to future jobs you’d like to have also.

This might be the hardest step but it’s the most important, I want you to do this with as little thinking as possible. Now I don’t expect you to have time to do this today, but as soon as you have a few hours to spare (preferably on a lazy weekend) that’s when you should start.

(You can start anytime, just make sure when you start, to commit to all the steps! Don’t get lazy now!)

So with a few hours to yourself, put on some of your favourite tracks (no sad music!), (just quickly make a playlist and delete all the slow/sad songs).

Get out a small piece of paper and write down your ex’s name, address, phone number and email.

Step 1:

Get out a small piece of paper and write down your ex’s name, address, phone number and email. Now find a big enough box and you probably know what I want you to do, go from room to room or just in your room and collect everything that reminds you of your ex. Take this opportunity to clean your room or your house. Even if you don’t like cleaning, you’re cleaning your ex out of your life, those items, as much as you might want to cling onto some of those things, they are connected to your ex and anything that reminds you of your ex is preventing you from moving on.

Sing along with the music and don’t stop moving until it’s all done.

Now once you have collected everything, place your piece of paper with your ex’s contact at the top.

Step 2:

Now head to your computer, it’s time to do the same on your computer. If yours is anything like mine it’s probably full of junk and running slower than it should. Take this time to clean up, free up disk space, when you come across anything that reminds you of your ex, delete them. This includes emails, photos, letters, instant messaging history etc. Delete and empty your Recycle Bin when you’re all done.

If there’s something that you just can’t delete, like some photos that might have pictures of other people, you can burn them onto a cd if you want.

Take that box of yours and put it somewhere you can’t get to easily. The best thing is to give it to a close friend or relative where you know it will be safe but you won’t be able to get to easily.

Step 3:

Now looking around, your environment and your computer should be ex-free. We need to move on to cleansing your mind of your ex now.

After all that work you deserve to relax and do something fun. Movies are great ways to take your mind off things, some movies I recommend are:

1. Lars and the Real Girl
2. 40 Year Old Virgin
3. Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
4. Ratatouille
5. Kill Bill 1 and 2

Go check out your local video store and grab a few; get comedies, thrillers, avoid dramas or sappy movies.

Watch a couple, enjoy with your favourite sneaks and drinks.

When it’s over, give a friend a call, go out, do whatever so you’re not just sitting around at home.

Now you might still think of your ex during this which is normal, the point is you want to absorb yourself in other people’s problems as this will keep the focus off your own.

Even if you think you’re doing ok with the break up, it’s still a good idea to do this, if just to give your room and computer a good cleaning.

Until tomorrow, take care and have fun cleaning your ex out of your life =)