Being In Love With A Cheating Ex
It’s almost become disgustingly normal to hear of couples dealing with infidelity. It’s hard to go far without experiencing someone been cheated on or someone cheating on their partners and while it’s amusing to hear of other people’s misfortunes, the reality is quite painful and scarring for the people involved.
If you’re right in the midst of dealing with a partner who has recently cheated on you, you’ll know firsthand it’s no laughing matter. In fact the most excruciating thing is having to deal with a multitude of mixed and varying emotions in a way to somehow cope with been cheated on: hurt, anger, abandonment, denial, feelings of worthlessnes, confusion, jealousy is just some of the few prominent ones.
I think the worst thing is knowing you’ve been played a fool and all this time you thought everything was fine and that your partner ‘loved’ you. And you know what the worst thing is? The fact that despite all of these emotions, you know you are still in love your ex and want them back.
Now you feel even worse for feeling this way and you’re wondering if there’s something wrong with you. How can you still love and want to be with someone who has humiliated you and stripped you of any self-worth you had?
But before kicking yourself further into the ground, stop pointing fingers at yourself. You are the victim in this scenario and your ex/partner is the only one at fault. Now I don’t mean to say you should start throwing their things out on the street and causing a scene, although revenge can be sweet, it’s not really going to make you feel that much better (well maybe just a little bit).
Deal with it
It seems the easiest way we know to handle difficult and painful situations is simply to ignore or deny its there at all. That’s exactly what you ’shouldn’t’ be doing. Prolonging the need to deal with this head on will only drag out the hurt and disrupt your health in the long-run. You might think you’re ‘fine’ with it but perhaps you really shouldn’t be ‘fine’ with it at all.
Acknowledge the situation for what it is and learn to accept it so you can start to move on from it.
Talking to your ex
Right now it’s probably not going to be all that productive to talk to your ex, as much as you might want to, whether to scream at them or humiliate them in public, or even to beg them to get back together with you. Why even bother? It’s too soon and you need time to heal and get yourself back in some sort of order.
How bad is it really?
What constitutes as cheating is different for everyone, and it’s best to allow yourself the space and time to assess the situation with a more objective point of view. If you’re married, this is especially important for you as it could be in your best interest to stick around and see if there is anything left to salvage. Of course, how much your ex is willing to change and work at it will also factor into that decision.
The most difficult thing is to be completely honest with yourself. Do you really deserve to be treated this way? Why do you think getting your ex back will somehow make everything right? Do you think they would ever change? Do you think perhaps YOU should be the one to change and move on?
Accept that things will be different
If you’re willing to do what it takes to get through this, it’s also important to accept that things might never be the same between the two of you. This might be a good or bad thing and it really comes down to how you choose to look at it. This is one of those moments where you have to ask yourself exactly what the lesson was and how you might do things differently in the future.
Learn to forgive… yourself first
You’ll probably be blaming yourself just as much as you’re blaming your partner so it’s important to forgive yourself first. Let go of all the bitterness you feel and learn to accept that it’s done. If you continue to hold onto anger and resentment, this will not only damage your current relationship even further but also creep into future relationships you have with others. Work on letting go and keep in mind that there was little you could have done to stop it from happening this time around.
Trust and infidelity go hand-in-hand together and trust takes time to build and restore. If you did get back together with your ex, do you really think you can trust them again? Check out How to Deal With Your Ex annd The Trust Issue.